There is no "one correct way" to join The Lifestyle. Some people discover it by accident, others are introduced to it by friends, and many seek it out purposefully. The one thing that we can tell you is that it’s easy to make a few mistakes along the way. So while we can’t draw you the perfect roadmap to lifestyle bliss, we can try to teach you the lessons we’ve learned and hopefully help you avoid some of the mistakes that you might otherwise make.

There are several different ways to jump into The Lifestyle. Here's a few ways we know of, and our personal thoughts on them:

Lifestyle Websites
Lifestyle Clubs & Events

Joining a good Lifestyle website is by far the best, cheapest and safest way to meet like-minded friends in your area. There are hundreds of websites on the internet aimed at swingers. But beware! Not all lifestyle websites are the same! In fact, we think most of the lifestyle sites on the internet are terrible.

Here are several indications that you should probably STAY AWAY from a "Lifestyle Website"

If the homepage uses an overly sexualized vocabulary:

Some sites will try and draw you in with statements like "Meet people for sex tonight!" or "Millions of horny swingers want to meet you now!" or "Meet hot members for no-strings-attached sex!"… No site can can guarantee you that you will have sex tonight (or ever). There's no way to be sure that millions of swingers are currently horny or wanting to meet you. And the promise that their "hot" members will want to have no-strings-attached sex with you is utterly ridiculous.

These kind of phrases all over a website's exterior is a sign that the site is probably not run by people who actually know anything about real swingers or The Lifestyle. Instead, they are just trying to attract gullible, naive or horny people who don't know any better. The owners of these sites don't care who's joining, just as long as they're paying. If you join one of those "Swinger" sites, you are likely to end up with an email box full of photos of single guy's weiners… But hey, maybe you're into that.

Most people who are truly part of the real swinger lifestyle will be immediately driven away from a website if it's homepage includes overly sexual words and phrases. Avoid sites that use terms like Horny, Nude, Nymphos, Group Sex, Orgies, Fucking, Get Laid, Bukakke, etc… We think you get the general idea. If you'd be embarrased to say it to your grandmother, you might not want it on the website you choose to join.

On the flip-side, there are some good words which are usually used on reputable swinger websites. These are words like "Lifestyle", "Community" and "Friends" or "Friendship". These words attract real lifestylers, and tends to make the porn perverts lose interest and look elsewhere.

If you have to pay extra for extra features:

This one really ticks us off! Certain websites have different levels of membership based on how much you pay. For example, you might be paying $9.95 a month to be a member. That sounds like a great deal, right?… Not if you are restricted from viewing certain things or accessing certain features of the site (such as more revealing photos) unless you become a "Premium" member and pony up more cash!… That's an insane way to run a community site for swingers! It basically means that anyone with the spare cash can look at your intimate photos, no matter who they are! Not to mention that it's a HUGE rip-off!

Most sites do offer some sort of discount if you buy more than just one month at a time.  That's a different matter… and usually will save you a nice chunk of change once you find the site that is right for you.

If the site advertises on porn sites:

If you've seen a lot of ads for particular swinger site while cruising your favorite porn sites… Then so has everyone else who is on those porn sites… A perfect example is Adult Friend Finder. AFF advertises mostly on porn sites. Do you really want to be on a website full of people who discovered it while masturbating? AFF claims to have over 24 million members. That might sound great, but remember in our FAQ's page, we stated that there are estimated to be between 4 and 8 million swingers in the USA… So if you do the math, you've got to wonder… Who the heck are the other 16 million people on that site!?… The thought of 16 million weirdos perving our photos sends chills down our spine. Sites like that are about quantity, not quality.

*NOTE: Since we don't want to get sued for slander, we won't explain the rest of the reasons that we don't recommend AFF to people… But there's no reason we can't give you a link to other people complaining about them: Adult Friend Finder Rip-Off Report

If the homepage contains pornographic images:

Once again, this is a sign that the site is just targeting horny people, not swingers. Sexy or erotic images make sense. But if the images on the homepage are downright pornographic or distastful… run!

If it has porn ads or pop-ups on it:

Besides being horribly annoying, if a website is advertising porn or other adult themed sites (like live webcam girls or penis enlargement), it means that site was probably created as a 'get rich quick' scheme, and the owners do not really have the members best interests in mind.

If they allow you to search their members without logging in:

Do we really need to explain why this is bad? Some sites actually have a search function right on their homepage, allowing you to view a list of thumbnail images of their members in your area. Some require you to join if you want to enlarge the photos… But still, we consider this a major invasion of privacy! Plus, 9 times out of 10, once you buy a membership, you'll find that those members don't actually exist! They were fake photos of fake members that the site simply used to entice gullible people.

If you get a bad feeling about it:

Trust your feelings.  If the site seems creepy, icky or sleazy… it probably is! Follow your gut insticts.

 

Let us start by saying that we really don't recommend visiting a lifestyle club or event until you have first joined a reputable lifestyle website and done some serious research. Blindly visiting a lifestyle club or event before knowing what you are doing is very likely to result in an awkward or unpleasant experience. Many swingers learn this the hard way… Us included! But now you will hopefully learn from our mistakes.

We've heard plenty of stories out there about couples who "tried" swinging, but were horrified by their first experience at a swinger club and decided never to try swinging again. We can almost guarantee that 99% of those people did not do their homework before venturing into a club!

There are a lot of clubs and events out there. If you live in or near a major metropolitan city, you may find that your choices are in the dozens. However, every club attracts different clientele. By joining a website first you can talk with people in your area about what clubs they recommend for you and why. Contact the members who you feel you have the most in common with. If you hear good things about a particular club from several different sources, it's probably a good place for you to check out.

On-Premises VS Off-Premises

It's important to know the difference between these two types of venues.

On-Premises Clubs

On-Premises Clubs are specifically designed to allow people to have sex at that location. Typically these places will have many "playrooms". Most of these clubs also have a dance floor and other common areas for meeting and mingling. In most states on-premises clubs cannot sell alcohol due to the sexual activity on the property, but you can usually still BYOB.

On-Premises Pros:

- Many of these on-premises clubs have invested in a lot of expensive sexual equipment or furniture, such as bondage gear or sex swings which you may not have at home. It may give you a chance to experiment.

- If you are an exhibitionist who enjoys being watched by total strangers, you'll be happy.

- Probably one of the few places you can dance naked if you're not a stripper.

On-Premises Cons:

- While we've seen some pretty hot people doing some hot things in on-premises clubs, we've also seen some people and acts that made us want to gouge our eyes out. Remember, The Lifestyle is a melting pot of all different ages, body types and looks. You will probably see some things that you wish you hadn't. You might be in the middle of something with some really sexy playmates, then you look over and see someone twice as old as your grandmother doing something to someone thrice as wide as your grandfather… It can kill the mood for some.

- If you don't like being watched by total strangers, you may feel uncomfortable.

- Some lesser quality clubs might not change the linens in the playrooms as often as they should (Ideally, they should have someone changing them several times a night!). Yuck!

- Many places charge a steep entry-fee, or even require a membership. If you spend $50-$100 to get in, you can often feel like the night is a failure if you don't get laid.

Off-Premises Clubs

Off-Premises Clubs are venues that don't allow sexual activity at their location. They are simply places for lifestylers to meet and flirt. If people hit it off, they can invite friends to come home with them (or to their hotel room), or simply exchange contact info for a future date. The sexual activity happens off the premises of the event… get it? Since there is no sex happening at the location, these events are free to serve booze. In fact, these event are often held in vanilla bars or nightclubs and will tend to change venues frequently since they are not tied down to a certain piece of customized real estate like on-premises clubs are.

It's been our experience that Off-Premises parties often attract a younger or newer crowd than On-Premises clubs do. This is probably because these newer swingers feel more comfortable in a environment where they feel less pressure. Being in a room full of naked boinking strangers, especially ones that may be twice their age, can be very off-putting and intimidating for nubile newbies. It's one of the main reasons that first-timers are driven away from The Lifestyle without giving it a second chance.

Off-Premises Pros:

- You won't accidentally see nudity that you don't want to see.

- Much less pressure to "do anything."

- Serve alcohol.

- Usually lower prices than an on-premises club.

- Often attract a younger crowd.

- Great for newbies or first timers.

Off-Premises Cons:

- You can't have sex there.

Newbie advice for your first Lifestyle event.

If you are new to The Lifestyle and want to attend your first swinger event, we highly recommend that you start out with an Off-Premises party. They are a great way to "dip your toes" into The Lifestyle, without the sensory overload that can happen with an On-Premises club. Simply take the opportunity to meet people and ask questions. Don't be afraid to tell people that you are new. Most lifestyle couples are very understanding and eager to answer questions and lend advice… after all, they were new once too.