Dear CoupleDoingIt,I am a single gal in the lifestyle and it is a huge part of my life. My social life revolves around the scene and I love my swinger friends. I am starting to date again after a several month hiatus following a break-up. When and how do I bring up the subject of the lifestyle to any new men that I am dating? Thanks!Sincerely,All the Swingle Ladies
Dear Swingle Ladies,
This is definitely something that that is important to discuss with anyone who you’re going to have a relationship with. It’s always better to reveal something like this sooner than later. However, there is possibly such a thing as too soon. Telling a guy that you are a swinger on the very first date could potentially backfire. He might make assumptions and judgements about you before getting to know who you really are. Or just as bad, he might suddenly become overly interested in you for all the wrong reasons.
You specifically asked “When and how do I tell the men I’m dating?” I’d say that it’s important to come clean before you decide to turn the men you are dating into the man you are dating. In other words, if you feel as though one of the guys you are casually dating might turn into something more, it’s probably important to tell him before you take that next step. The sooner the better.
After a few dates with any person, you should hopefully have some sort of sense of how they would react to the news that you’re a swinger. But if you are having trouble reading them, you could always bait the hook and see how they bite.
For example:
While telling an unrelated story, make an off-the-cuff remark hinting that you are bisexual, like: “I ate at this restaurant a few years ago. The girl I was dating didn’t like it, but really enjoyed it.”
See how he reacts to that. More than likely, it will start a dialogue about your sexuality. It’s been my experience that most guys are thrilled to hear a girl talk about her sexuality! If he’s not thrilled to hear about it… well, there’s a good chance the guy is not going to be very open-minded about your lifestyle.
I have one last thing I’ll say on this subject. While the lifestyle is fantastic, I would hope you don’t pass up a chance at true love simply because someone isn’t keen to the idea of swinging. Just because someone isn’t interested in swinging, doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not the right guy for you… in the end it all comes down to your own priorities.
Sincerely,
CoupleDoingIt
1 comment
Roxie says:
July 29, 2011 at 4:56 pm (UTC -7)
Its been my exprience that most men will tell me they are interested in the Lifestyle, or have heard “things” about it and would like to learn more and possily do it. They will tell me they are turned on by the thought of it. But I found out tkhe hard way that deep down they are repulsed by the LS, and in time with me. Good ridance I say! You can usually tell pretty quickly if a man is in the LS or not.
All I can say is good luck to you in your search, I haven’t given up hope yet!
Roxie….;o)~