Dear CoupleDoingIt,Even though we have been with a few couples we still consider ourselves ‘newbies’. Our problem is that we would like to develop a bit more of a friendship with people before getting too physical. We have made that clear on our profiles as well as when we meet people at parties so as not to lead people on. Most of the people we met are very encouraging and not put off by our views.Recently I was chatting with someone on a swinger site. When I explained our views he said that in the lifestyle you’re supposed to get physical first, then friendships develop later. He basically scolded us saying if we weren’t going to play that we didn’t belong on the swinger site!We’re confused. Is he right? Are we playing where we don’t belong?Sincerely,Sex Sloths
Dear Sex Sloths,
Is he right? No… But that doesn’t mean he’s wrong either. What he is, is very rude.
Everyone has their own speed, their own rules and their own way of doing things. Some take their time and make friendships first. Others jump into bed first and learn your name later. Most people in the lifestyle tend to be very respectful of any boundaries that others may have. But occasionally you’re going to run across some jerk who can’t keep their opinion to themselves.
You’ve done nothing wrong. Go at the speed that feels right for you and your partner. If someone gives you grief about it, they are probably not the type of person who you would have ever developed a friendship with anyway… So fuck 'em! (But don't have sex with them.)
Sincerely,
CoupleDoingIt
